Christmas Musings
by jedimasterstar
Summary: The new female Doctor is uncertain about her new circumstances. Jackie provides a listening ear.


**This is a companion story to my story "A Different Kind of Regeneration". I know this is short and not that good, but I felt that it seemed right at the moment. Hope you all enjoy and please R&R!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Doctor Who_. I also do not own "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas".

**Summary:** The Doctor, newly recovered from her regeneration, thinks about what has happened and what she is going to do now. An add-on to "The Christmas Invasion."

* * *

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight  
_

This Christmas was certainly the most exciting one the Doctor has had in a while. After such a complicated regeneration and a distressing recovery process, it was nice to finally be able to relax and watch the snow – or more correctly ash – fall gently down. Of course, almost getting attacked by a Christmas tree, getting one's hand cut off, and having to deal with an upset companion made the holiday kind of sour; but in all, it was pretty nice day. "Doctor, are you alright?" came a familiar and welcomed voice.

She turned her head slightly and gave Jackie Tyler a small smile. "As well as I'm going to be, Jackie," she replied. And she was telling the truth – for the most part. Of course, being a woman now had changed things drastically. How was she going to cope with this? And how was she going to handle Rose? "Damn it, Jackie. What am I going to do?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a _woman_ now. And I have absolutely _no_ idea what to do."

"I'm sure Rose…"

The Doctor sighed and interrupted, "Please, Jackie. I guess you have not seen how she acts around me."

"She was worried about you," argued Jackie.

"No, that's not it," she mumbled.

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Make the Yule-tide gay,  
From now on,  
our troubles will be miles away._

She snorted as she continued to listen to the song coming from inside one of the first floor flats. _Sure they're going to be miles away_, she thought. "You see, Jackie, towards the end, Rose was starting to become obsessed with me. Well, the male me. At first, I think she was trying to make me jealous, but all she did was push me away," she explained.

"And then you changed…"

"And then I changed. At first, she was angry and confused. She even accused me of being a Slitheen!" Jackie looked at her up and down, a look of mischief flickering in her eyes. "Don't go there," warned the Doctor. All Jackie could do was smile. "It took me a while to get her to calm down," she continued as she looked back at the falling ash. "Then she asked me if I would be able to change back."

"Can you?" Jackie asked.

"Nope. Well, not to the way I was. The next near-death experience I go through, probably. Believe me, I was not planning on becoming a woman. But I am not going to waste a life for Rose. I've gone through too many too fast. I want to save them for as long as possible," she replied. Jackie nodded. "But I do see Rose causing me problems later on. It would be easier for her – and for me – if she stayed. But I think it's too late for that," she added.

"Why's that?"

"She's become too attached. Too addicted to this life. It's not too bad now, but I fear the day when I have to deal with her pompous attitude."

"You calling Rose pompous?" asked a slightly angry human mother.

"Give me a break, Jackie. Don't tell me Rose did not give you problems when she was younger."

Jackie was quiet for a moment as the music continued to play…

_Here we are as in olden days,  
Happy golden days of yore.  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more._

"I love this song. It makes me think about the past and all my companions," commented the Doctor as she closed her eyes.

"You had companions before Rose?" inquired Jackie.

"Yep. Several. Some human, some not. But the majority of them learned from their experiences," she replied, her mind churning, remembering.

"Like who, Doctor?"

The Doctor chuckled. "What are you doing? Turning into a therapist on me?" she wondered.

Jackie playfully slapped her arm and replied, "You sound like you may need one."

She shook her head before saying, "Let's see. First was Susan. My dearly loved granddaughter. She was my first companion. She was one of those who were dear to me and wished I went back for. Then came Ian and Barbara, both of whom were schoolteachers. They left because they got tired of the traveling and wanted to go home…"

"They sound nice."

"They were. Like I said, I had several. But they each left their mark," she continued.

"And Rose?"

The Doctor sighed again. "Too early to tell. She helped me greatly in the beginning. But now…only time can tell. And I have plenty of it," she replied. She then shook her head. "But for now, what am I going to do about this?"

Jackie was not expecting the sudden change in topic. "About what?"

"Being a woman. I have no idea about being one, like I said a while ago. What should I expect?" she asked. Jackie laughed, knowing that she was going to have fun with this.

_Through the years  
We all will be together,  
If the Fates allow  
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.  
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now._


End file.
